Melissa Shin Mash: Success, Self-care and Showing Up
Melissa Shin Mash booked with me, post-Covid lockdown, like everybody, hoping to feel like themselves again after such a period of uncertainty. I’d just opened my very first studio space, a dream deferred, tainted by so much fear and grief. Nonetheless, I was so excited to see so many new faces– it was such a reminder that I could do this, I could build this business. Melissa walks in; I had no idea of the relationship we’d cultivate over time. Between post-partum responsibilities and the Covid-19 lockdown, Melissa had only the remnants of her grown-out balayage, peppered throughout her naturally dark hair; she wanted the lived-in caramel brightness she’d missed. Nailed it.
Over time, we do the same thing. She’s low-maintenance; her color needs to evolve, gracefully, with the demands of her busy life. Melissa wears many hats, she is Mom, Co-founder and caretaker, and her life is one big balancing act. One thing I always appreciate about Melissa is how honest she is when I ask, “How are you?” I’ve enjoyed hearing about all the things she’s grateful for, what she’s learning, or what she’s looking forward to. She loves sharing resources and what's working for her. She’s my type of gal!
A few months ago, I shared the idea for my project, Vivid, with Melissa, and I was honored by her encouragement and interest. Imagine my gratitude when she agreed to sit with me, like we always do, this time, letting me share her story and her charm.
In our conversation, we spoke about success, self-care, and showing up. We talked about her beginnings, being affectionately called Missy, in her immigrant family, and how their stories shaped hers. It was incredible to hear how her family was able to put the pieces together in Cleveland, Ohio, after arriving in the US from Korea, creating the foundation for her dreams. She talked about how, unlike many of their peers, her parents encouraged her and her sister to look outside the box when building a life–they didn't have to become a doctor or a lawyer. I said, "That's really cool that your parents planted that seed that you can do anything,” She said, “well, they never said that to us…you can be anything, but it's more through their actions.” Her statement echoes a dynamic frequently discussed in research and writing on East Asian immigrant families that frames love as more practical, expressed through acts of service and sacrifice rather than verbal affirmation.
It is always particularly fascinating to hear immigrant stories, as an immigrant myself.
This is the kind of encouragement that built the confidence in young Melissa, working at Coach in London, noticing a gap in the bag market, and being confident that she can fill it. “When I was looking at brands… I don't feel connected to that; I want to see myself in the brand.” Her first stop after this discovery was business school, and she just knew she’d find her co-founders there, to assemble the dream team to build what became Dagne Dover. Melissa credits the power of collaboration for the success of Dagne Dover. She talked about the unique perspective each founder brings to the table and how this discourse contributes to making the best decisions for their business.
We talked about facing rejection on her journey, building her brand and walking into rooms, outnumbered, as a WOC, looking for investors or partnerships. Melissa discussed having to become comfortable with rejection. I asked what was unexpected on her journey, she said, “...so many unexpected things and I think what's important is, you don't get discouraged… you might get 1 out of 100…but you have to get it done, however you can get it done.” Then she plainly said, one of the most impactful things I’ve heard, “ Just because it doesn’t exist already doesn’t mean you can’t figure out a way to make it happen–it’s hard but this is what the opportunity is for.” This made me double-take because it was such a reminder that achievement is so intertwined with relentlessness. Opportunities exist for those who keep aiming for them. This was inspirational to me, on my own journey with this project– creating something without a blueprint is such hard work, but the opportunity exists for those who create it.
I am honored to have these conversations with the incredible women who sit in my chair– it's such a reminder of our power.
As women, we are expected to do the work, be there for everyone, balance it all. I asked Melissa, with all the hats she wears, how she is balancing it all. She said, “Not well.” Like her answer to my ‘how-are-yous,’ she answered me honestly. It is so radical, as a woman, to release yourself from the pressure of always being on and putting on a good face for everyone and everything. She said, “A lot of us are perfectionists, and we wanna live a full life ….not everything happens when I’d like it to, but kids are my priority…my life is one of serving people right now; that’s just the season of life that I’m in.” Melissa is embracing this moment in her life, prioritizing her children and showing up for her aging parents as best as she can.
I love this talk of the season of life she’s in, because it is such a great reminder that our present isn't, our always, and it is okay to redirect your energy where it serves you best at this time in your life. It is the reminder that life is a journey and we are constantly morphing into who we need to be to keep it going.
It is such an inspiration to hear a successful woman speak so candidly about life because so often, we witness success and assume it comes from doing it all, but really, it's about intention.
Melissa says, “I chose this life. I could’ve chosen a simpler situation…. I chose to have a full life.”
This conversation was so inspiring to me, and hopefully, to all the girls who are building something they believe in. You are more than capable of being who you need to be to reach your goals.
She leaves us with a powerful reminder: “Stop acting like it’s out of your control, like, you’re not pawns on a chessboard. You can make your own decisions to make your life what you want it to be.”